Can I limit how often my baby's dad sees our kid?

I don't want any mean comments so can you please keep it nice if your going to answer?





I'm 16 years old and two months ago I had my first child with my ex boyfriend. He visits every weekend and occasionally during the week. For about a month after our daughter was born he was dating this one chick who wouldn't let him see her and who coincidentally ruined mine and his relationship. I have never liked her, and he ended up braking up with her so he could visit me and the baby. He has talked many times about having a relationship with me again which is why he has visited more. Because he wants to be close to me and our baby because he thinks that it will give her the best life possible.


But now his ex girlfriend is back in the picture. (they aren't dating but from what i hear from his mom is that they spend almost every day together) She wakes him up in the morning for school and they hang out almost every day after school as well. He says they are just friends and since they aren't having sex that I shouldn't be pissed.


But my question is, can I limit how often he gets to see our baby because I don't think its fair that he goes off and does whatever he wants knowing it upsets me but he still thinks he can come around and see our baby whenever and act like everything is fine between us?


Is it right of me to say that as long as he is still involved with her that when he comes to see his daughter that it will only be at certain times?Can I limit how often my baby's dad sees our kid?
OK.. I have a lot to say about this situation. Some you may like and some you may not but my intentions is only to give you the BEST advice I can.





Number one I want you inform you, I dont know where you live, BUT in the state of OHIO the child is born into the custody of the mother if the child wasnt a result of a marriage. AKA If you didnt marry him, YOU HAVE ALL RIGHTS. - Check into this in your state but I know for a fact this is how it is here.





Number two, I know its hardd being in your shoes. I had my son when I was 16 and his daddy cheated on me with anything that had a hole really. But I ALWAYS KEPT THIS IN MIND, ';He sucks as a spouse but is a damn good dad.'; But he wasnt at first. He was more worried about getting the next whore in line. So .. how did I teach him to grow up? Well number one, I left him. I allowed an open relationship with my son however also told him set times so it wouldnt inconvenience my life as well. I allowed every other weekend over night visits (which he never did willingly until my son was almost 2 - but the option was there). I never said no (unless I was busy) about visiting randomly but I told him until he could prove he was willing to be a father, dont bother. He was in and out and only there when it was convenient for him at first, WHICH IS NOT FAIR. So thats how I handled it.





Now I understand your concerns. BUT make sure you make choices for the right reasons. If he is in and out of the kids life when its convenient for HIM and isnt there regularly (every other weekend or when ever you guys have scheduled) then its ok to be stern. Dont let him walk all over you, but keep in mind.. that is your childs father and no matter how he irritates you, your baby needs to see her dad. Make a schedule with him letting him know these are set times, if you dont show an effort to be in her life, then we will wait until you are grown enough to handle being a father. Its also not fair your daughter has a daddy in her life one day and then out for a month, its confusing and wrong. But if he is making an effort, work with him.





I wouldnt suggest getting back with him because personally that feeling he has left you with will always be there. But work with him on being a dad. Guys are sometimes pretty slow with becoming an adult even when they made adult decisions.





Another word of advice, NEVER talk bad about him in front of your daughter. NO MATTER HOW BAD he hurts you. Let HER make her own decision. I find it very important that I never did this and my son was able to love his dad for being a dad and not for sucking at being there for me. My son loves his daddy, and while one day he will find out (i assume) how his father did treat me, he will understand that it was an adult situation and never played a part in how much his dad loves him. (THis is just a personal choice on how I handled it and an offer of advice for a similar situation)





Last .. I wanted to let you know.. the road was bumpy, long, and hard. But here I am today almost 23 and with an almost 6yr old son and his dad and I are NOT together and never would be but his dad is very much in his life. As a matter of a fact I am very good friends with his fiance. He grew up and took responsibility on his own, with a lil shove from me ;) I never discuss the bad parts in front of my son and I take pride in that, and I think his dad respects it too and I got a sincere appology from his dad a couple years back for all the BS he put me through.





I know another woman being there is difficult. AT ANY AGE its difficult, but you can manage. Just keep your head up. I let his fiance know from the start this is MY Kid. Dont lay a hand (punnish) my son, dont down my name in front of him, and dont dare have him call u mom and we will be ok.Almost 5 years later I have since given her permission (as in my blessing) to punnish my kid when he is bad and I even address her as his step mom. She has proven herself to me that she is there for the long run and not just a drive by gf. She loves my son and she shows it and she never talks trash about me in front of him. I think the first time i realizede I had respect for her was when my son busted his head open and I went to the ER. His dad faints when he see's blood but she came in the room with me while he got his head stitched up just so I wasnt alone. I knew then she was someone I trusted and I respected her for it.





Be wise, but be accepting too. Neither of you will be single for ever and as ur daughters parents.. u have to meet on a common ground at some point. I wish u luck. Email me directly any time if u need advice. I know what its like to be 16 with a goofy baby daddy ;) he'll man up .. dont worry :)Can I limit how often my baby's dad sees our kid?
Yes it is wrong. You two are no longer together. He can do whatever he wants in his free time. It is not about you or him anymore. It's about the baby you made together. He has every right to see his child and she has every right to see him.
Is there a reason you haven't sought out child support? You can make his parents pay if he's still a minor.
';Is it right of me to say that as long as he is still involved with her that when he comes to see his daughter that it will only be at certain times?';





No. Good heavens.





You're a mother -- you need to let go of the drama, let go of the guy, and do, in every situation, what is best for your child.





You can't punish your kid by limiting access to Daddy just because you don't like who Daddy's seeing.





';I don't think its fair that he goes off and does whatever he wants knowing it upsets me but he still thinks he can come around and see our baby whenever and act like everything is fine between us?';





Why isn't it fair? You are no longer a couple. He's allowed to do whatever he pleases when not around you and your baby, and there is no rational reason for it to upset you.





If he is friendly towards you when you do see each other -- follow his lead, be friendly. Again, ask yourself: what's best for my child? Answer: her parents being nice to each other.
Ok you say you dont think its fair that he goes off and does whatever he wants knowing it upsets you....? Sorry to say, but who cares if you get upset? It's no longer about you if you guys aren't together. I know your only 16 but you have to be an adult now even though your not. The fact of the matter is, it doesn't matter if he ';upsets'; you, your not his priority or responsibility. The baby is. And as long as he is trying to see her and be there for her that's all you need to be concerned with. If you think he's sleeping with the other girl, while still trying to be with you, let go of his a** and move on! He's gonna have a life that doesn't revolve around you, but you can't say ';you can't see your daughter'; because he's with someone else. Unfortunately he doesn't owe you anything just because you two have a kid together. Put him on child support and just make sure your baby is taken care of. You need to put your personal feelings about him aside.
You can limit his time with her while she is around. For example, you can tell him that you are not comfortable with this other girl being around your daughter, so he will either have to come over to see her without the other girl around, or he can only have her while the other girl isn't around. If you guys aren't together, you shouldn't be worried about what he does with her. It's frustrating, I understand that, but he has his own life as well. Try to put yourself in his shoes. What if it was you who was seeing another guy? Wouldn't you want your daughters father to be accepting? It's also good for your daughter to see you guys getting along, rather than fighting over this.


The big issue is that you guys have a daughter, and you guys, together, have to make the effort to be the best parents possible to her. You should not deny your daughter her father just because you don't like his 'friend'. If that were the case, most of the children whose parents aren't together would never see one parent.


It just isn't fair to your daughter. Is he a good father to her? If so, don't limit his time with her.
It is my understanding, that since you two are un married, that you can tell him when he can and can not see your child, BUT don't cut him off completely, your daughter should be allowed to see her daddy, and vic versa.


Tell him that you don't feel comfortable with the influance this other girl has over him, and until she's out of the picture, you're going to limit the time he sees his daughter, because you don't want her to get attached (I know she's two months, but still) to him, only to have the other girl, take him away.
Ok... well first off techinically you can tell him he cant see her at all till he takes you to court and gets visitation. However, I am NOT suggesting this. Thats a horrible idea and its absurd to keep a father from his child just because your relationship isnt going well. Its not about yall anymore.





I understand your frustration trust me. I am a mother of one and soon to be of two. I am not with either of their fathers and its hard not to use the only vice you feel you have. However, thats not fair for your child, you should never try and keep a father from his child. He wants to be a father and you should feel lucky! There are some men who dont want anything to do with their children.





The only issue I would have, is if he feels he can come in and out of her life. As long as his visitations are regular and he is continuously trying to be a part of her life, you should feel lucky.








PS Child support and visitation have NOTHING to do with eachother.
Darling, im not going to sugar coat my answer to spare feelings here.I tell it like it is.





You are jealous and you are thinking of yourself.First off, this other girl did not ruin your relationship.HE chose to be with her over you.Get over it.You will find a guy someday that will love you and won't want to be with anyone else.He obviously doesn't want to be tied down to one girlfriend so let him go.Why would you want to be with him if he isn't 100% comitted to you? that's silly.








You are willing punishing your daughter because of the broken relationship.That is not fair.It isn't about you and it isn't about him.Its about the child.You two need to grow up and start acting like parents instead of jr. high kids bickering over petty things.We are talking about a child here.








You shouldn't punish her from seeing her dad just because he is with someone else.You can't dictate who he dates and he can't dictate who you date.You also can't use your kid as a pawn so he can stop dating her.It doesn't matter if it upsets you.You are letting it upset you when you know you should move on.





He will never stop being her father even though he stopped being your boyfriend.Don't take it out on the kid.That is his baby and he has his rights to see her.Do you want this going to court? because if it does, he will be able to go after her for 50/50.At least when he is visiting, you have some say on what happens and where she goes.