I LOVE HIM ALOT AND WANNA BE WITH HIM FOREVER BUT SOMETHING MISSING A LONG STORY BUT NEED HELP ITS AGE?

Ok this is a long story so i hope you read it all.


Ok it all started back in November 2007, i just broke up with my first real boyfriend we dated for about a year but he became so controlling, so mean, so selfish, nothing i wanted. Any way i got home that night my next store nabor was over. I always thought he was cute and i nice guy but i was 15 (my b days in June) and he was 12 (his b days in Jan) so like it wasn't in like i wanted to date him (he didn't know i was gay.) Anyway i got in my room and i was crying and i couldn't tell my mom and dad because they don't like gays. So i was in my room and talk to my self crying and i didn't know he was under my bed. He came out crying as well and was like im gay to don't feel bad. I could tell he wasn't lieing. (his names Hayle bye the way) So i just huged him. And then he told me he loved me, and i said the same thing back. So we were ';dating'; we kept it a seacret because i knew my mother and father would not aprove of it. But his mother and father knew and they didn't care. We did everything together, then it was his 13 birthday on Januarey 2nd 2008, so i was still 15 just going back to the AGE thing here. And i started to really fall in love with him. He was so mature, and was always on the same page with me, he alway nice NOT CONTROLLING like my last BF. We had songs on are iPod were are songs ';Truley Madley Deepley'; bye Savage Garden and ';Endless Love'; Bye Brain McKnight and Mariah Carey. I just loved being with Hayle, when i was with him all my problems melted away, i never felt so clouse to god then when i was with him. I love God with out God there would be no me. The only problem was that i was never really turned on bye him ';ya i know ewwwwwww'; but its true. But what ever sex isn't love. Then when i was at school one day and my teatcher was talking about gay people ';this is realigon class'; she was like Its not a SIN to be Gay its a SIN to be in gay realishonships and Gay Marrige is a SIN. That made me feel like was going to hell if i didn't leave Hayle. But i was going to stand bye him because he was the only one i ever really loved and no one understood me like he did. When im with him its like that other part of me that was missing my hole life was filed. But then i was starting to feel bad because i was never liked him in that way. So then I did something that was the worst thing i have ever done in my life. It was November 2008, Now i was 16 and Hayle was still 13. I was home alone one night and being a normal hourney teenager i was looking up pic's of porn on a P2P site. Your going to think im the worst person in the world for doing this as do I. I saw a child porn file on there and downloaded to see if i would be turned on because i thought there was something WRONG with me becaue im gay and becaue i had a boyfriend who was a little younger. Well i got the file and i DIDN'T like it i was crying wright after i saw it and i just couldn't bealive it how someone could do that to a child. But now I think im going to hell like i love God and i would never do that to a child. The this has bin reaplaying in my head ever since. Anyway now i think i should brake up with him and fined someone who is may age 16, his going to be 14 on the 2nd, but i don't know if i should stay. I really really love him, and he loves me, but i don't think we can ever be together and i feel like a bigest louser on the face of this earth and im gonna burn in hell for everything i have done. Should i end it, tell me what you think.





Sorry for really crappy spellingI LOVE HIM ALOT AND WANNA BE WITH HIM FOREVER BUT SOMETHING MISSING A LONG STORY BUT NEED HELP ITS AGE?
1. Your age difference is really not that great.





2. You won't go to hell for loving someone.





3. While it was a bad idea to download that file -- and shocking for you to see how creepy some men are to little boys -- don't confuse your shock with a feeling of personal guilt. You are not a pedophile at all; you are nothing like those terrible men.





I think maybe you jumped the gun a little and had sex earlier than might have been good for you, but otherwise you have done absolutely nothing wrong.





You sound like a caring, conscientious boy.





You might need to talk to a counselor recommended by PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) in order to work through your feelings about Hayle. That is, do you really want to be his boyfriend, or not.





But God does not hate you at all. God loves you, and you are certainly not a loser.





It sounds like both you and Hayle have been happy in your relationship, so why should you feel so badly about that?





Check out the websites I have listed below. God loves gay people and guys in gay relationships. If what you have done with your beloved Hayle is in a spirit of mutual Love, it is not a sin to your account.





Hugs!I LOVE HIM ALOT AND WANNA BE WITH HIM FOREVER BUT SOMETHING MISSING A LONG STORY BUT NEED HELP ITS AGE?
ok this is so close to what happened to me its not even funny. but like if you love him who gives a F
If you really really love him you should wait for him. Be his friend instead of his boyfriend. Don't leave him completely. Wait until he's ready to be in a physical relationship if that's what you're referring to. Wait until he is older. For the being gay is sin I am an absolute believer in that. I think gay relationships is sin. I don't really think its wrong though. There are a lot of sins people commit every single day, being in a homosexual relationship is one of those. You can't avoid it so embrace it. Everybody commits sin so forth deserves to burn in hell, but if your religious and go to church you'll know how not to. Time will only tell for your relationship. Just go with the flow of what you really want to do. And Oh by the way if looking at child pornography made you feel bad STOP LOOKING AT IT.
Don't let outside influences determine how you feel with about him. Think about how you really feel about him and if you are doing this because of what your teacher said. You already mentioned that sex doesn't equal love, so you don't have to have sex with him to be with him. Wait until you both are ready. What you saw on the internet was probably coerced and done without intimacy which can make anything appear vile. Honestly two years isn't a big age diff. My gf is 14 years older than myself. You're young but life is short. Do what makes you happy.
don't break up with him! you really love him and he really loves you.





delete the file... some people are very cruel, it's not like YOU did it. i believe you have to so something very, and i mean VERRRYYY bad to go to hell.





your age difference isn't bad at all!!!





your teacher made you feel depressed because she made you feel like you were doing the wrong thing for being gay. don't believe it.





i'm sorry if it feels like this is a bit controlling, too. Just do something relaxing and take a few deep breaths.
Your only 2 and a half years older than him, that isn't that bad. Looking at child porn tho..... that is like the grossest thing ever!! How could you do that?!! No you shouldn't end it. Your not going to hell for being gay. As for looking at the child porn I doubt you would go to hell for that, it was a simple one time mistake. Stay with him if you love him, the age difference isn't that bad. Feel better about yourself.
theres only a 3 yr age diff....i dont think it matters and porn and a relationship are two diff things....i doubt you would do anything against his will...right??????????
1)its sweet u both have same feelings


2)how does ur teacher know? has she asked god?


3)age doesnt matter, my uncle is married to a woman whio is 11 years older than him


4) if u love him dont do it


5) video didn't mean anything , yea small childs should not be done that way,but u said he is very mature guy, he would know!


6) don't brake his heart so near B-day
well if you love him age shouldn't matter stay with him and work it through dude its worth it don't let a good thing go.