I just feel completely heart broken, but I am kind of happy everything is going to go back to normal again and I'm going back to where I started and where I felt secure. I got myself in this stupid situation where I was completely in love with my boyfriend, no question about it, but I started to get scared because it was looking more and more likely that I was going to be with that person for the rest of my life. I thought that I didn't have a problem about committing to one person but I obviously did. I started to fall for someone else as well. I know I'm going to get plagued by comments saying that I can't have loved my boyfriend because you can't fall in love with two people, but how do you know that unless you have been there? I have proved that to myself that you can and it hurts.
I kissed the other guy a few times and he said he really wanted to be with me. Its so annoying because this other guy was perfect for me from what I could see, he was kind, lovable, good looking and intelligent. This went on for a couple of weeks until we started to really care for each other and develop real feelings for each other. I hated that when we went out we couldn't hold hands, couldn't kiss and it hurt us both. Tonight we were chatting and he said that he can't keep killing himself skulling around and hiding everything because it hurts. It hurt me to, knowing that I was betraying one person who really didn't deserve it and hurting another person by leaving them hanging. So tonight he gave me a choice that I had to make because he couldn't keep holding on to something that is so uncertain, I could either be with him or stay with my boyfriend. I was thinking I could either stay with someone I'm secure with and am certain that I love or try someone new and take my life in a new direction. Change is one of the scariest things in the world but its also one of the best opertunities you will get in your life. Change evolves your life. I feel like in a way I would have liked to have gone with it and seen what my life would turn into, but on the other hand I was safe where I originally was and where I was, was a good place to be. I was happy and looking forward to a future that was roughly planned out, with someone I trust, who is good to me and I know they aren't just going to walk out the next day and leave me.
It really was a decision that was hard to make, do I stick to what I know is safe or do I go with change and let grow into something that is either going to end up in heart brake or be the best decision I ever made?
In the end I chose to stay where I was in my current relationship. I have put too much of my heart and soul into my relationship for 3 years to just throw it away for something I can't be sure will work. I am happy with where I am so why destroy that? I love my boyfriend and I know for certain that he loves me. I know he can give me a good life, and I know he will make me happy. There is absolutely no reason why I would leave him, he doesn't deserve to be pushed aside just because I can't figure out where I want to be. I told the other guy that he should probably find someone else who could give him their full love who isn't in a stupid situation where she will have to hide away and hurt him, he鈥檚 a good man and he deserves better than what I could give him in my situation. Even if I did leave my boyfriend, I couldn't give him everything because my heart would still belong with my boyfriend. I just hope he鈥檚 not to shattered about all this, I have let him down the best way I could, I shouldn鈥檛 have let him in the first place but as I did there is no point in regretting it now. The damage is done now, and I will just grow from my selfish mistakes and let it make me a better person.
Now I have vented how I feel, its your turn. If you have something on your mind just let it out here. It doesn't matter where you go with it, just talk away.This isn't a question just an oppertunity to vent. WARNING: THIS IS LONG!?
I met a guy and did everything I knew to do. Talked, refrained from physical contact, got to know each other. Yet, we still didn't know each other. So many issues arose and so much anger and confusion built between us. 2 and a half years later, I'm as confused as I was back then, yet now I'm madly in love and hopelessly devoted..not to him but to US - that's how bad it's gotten. Bittersweet.
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