Monday, August 16, 2010

What to do now? (I warn you its extremely long)?

Sorry for the short essay, need to vent somehow but its hard when your best friend is the cause of your needing to vent. =o





I've been best friends with this girl for over a year now, since our first year of college. We've both been there for each other every time we've needed someone there, and its easily been the best friendship I've ever had, she's been able to keep me happy through some really tough times and vise-versa. We'll about 2 weeks ago I let her know that I have started to have feelings for her as more than friends.





Ever since then things have been up and down. She actually found out from a friend that had asked me a day before (I didn't want her to know just yet, she had just been through a brake up and her boyfriend was the reason I didn't say anything sooner), and when I went to text her to see if we could talk about something, she said she knew and didn't want to address it. We texted back and forth a bit and the main thing out of it was that she had said ';I just wish you could be happy as my best friend.'; It's was a pretty good sign she just wanted to be friends, but as much as I liked her I thought of it more as she didn't see we couldn't be more than friends, and we were still on good terms.





I didn't want to press too much at once so I dropped it for a while and we had an amazing week. We pretty much spent every day of our college's final week together. Problem is she was doing things I didn't think she would do knowing I liked her, if she just wanted to be friends. She laid down on my legs and fell asleep, we fell asleep in the same bed watching tv, and she changed right in front of me. Its nothing she hasn't done before so I didn't know what to think considering what I had told her, I guess she possibly thought I was over it already?





Well the next day she went home for a week for summer before heading about an hour away for her summer co-op. I was still confused with everything that had happened and asked her tell me that we would never be more than friends, but she just sent me back my name and then a :/ face when I asked again. After that we seemed good but when I saw her in person she was acting distant and we ended up getting in a text fight and she ended up ignoring me for a few days.





We finally started texting again but her move to a new city and not many texts I could tell she didn't really want to talk to me that much. I started to think that our friendship was doomed so I was talking with some of our mutual friends and we decided it would be best if I told her I can't be friends because it was killing me and wasn't doing her any good either. It seems insane now but at the time it really made sense.. I had pretty much already told her something similar earlier and she just said she was really confused and this time I had sent a very long text that was basically saying good bye, and got no response. Part of me figured she was thinking the same thing.





Well, I guess the next day she texted the friend I had talked to asking ';what is up with John? like he doesn't want to be friends anymore :('; which when I found out crushed me and I texted her immediately to talk to her and explained how much I was going through in my head and why I had said what I did.. and it would seem that now we are ';good'; again. I even got her to tell me that we'll never be more than friends figuring it would help clear my head. Problem is it just seems almost forced when we talk now about anything casual now, and we haven't talked for a few days which for us is very strange.





I guess the problem is there's just so much to think about and without knowing exactly how she feels so many things can be different and I can't feel good unless I clear my head. I know that one of the obvious things is that she just may need some time to let things settle and start trusting me again. I just fear that things will be changed forever now, and I don't know how well I can bear being friends with her knowing we're not as close as we used to be, even if it may not be mature of me. The other thing that baffles me is why we wouldn't be able to be more than friends.. I know I can't think like her but I can't help but think she's just scared of dating me because she thinks it would be weird to tell people she's dating her best friend. When I told her she said it had made things awkward for her.. but she couldn't have met between us because of the things she did after I told her when we were alone.. so it has to be with people she knows. Because I've hung out with her and her ex? And her ex before that? I guess I just don't understand.





We've thrown the love word around but I'm now in love with her.. A bigger part of me wants her to be happy with whatever is best for her but I just don't know if I'm capable of keeping up being friends with her, especially if its a strained relationship.. I just am really at a loss for what to do.. Patience is usually a strength of mine but I just can't seem to wait this one oWhat to do now? (I warn you its extremely long)?
I know EXACTLY how you feel. This probably isn't the answer you want to hear but.....I think you need to just break it off completely. In the end you are going to end up miserable. so end it on a good note with her and maybe even talk every once and awile but being best friends when the feelings aren't equal on both sides doesn't work out. Even if you keep telling yourself that you want what is best for her. Good luckWhat to do now? (I warn you its extremely long)?
Have you actually tried asking her out?
going from close friends to lovers is bad at the most.why don't you just leave her alone t o make up her own life. it isn.t going to work as your all


ready fighting and what would it be like if you was


married.Get your on life in order and let her


get hers.
This is tough because you know that you are wrong in expecting her to get over this situation. At the same time, you still want to be more than friends, but you want her to be happy with what she wants out of it. It sucks because I bet you would take back telling her how you really felt if you knew it would end up this way. Your best bet is to use that patience and wait to see if she starts to come around again like before. You have to understand, you pressed the issue at least three times so she now knows how serious you are about it. In a way you have scared her away but only time will tell if she wants to be with you later or stay friends. It's up to you if you are willing to take what she has to offer. Good Luck
wow, ok, here is my best response to all this... :)


I think that she is probably really comfortable with you and that's why she is/was ok with changing in front of you and falling asleep in the same bed as you. I don't however think that at this point she is lying to you when she says there will be nothing more to the relationship. I think she is being honest with you and really means it. Being a woman, I know that there are times when you really like a man and he is just your best friend, no romantic feelings involved. There are times however when those feelings begin to change, this doesn't happen often though.


She may have freaked when you told her you don't want to remain friends because you may be her security blanket so to speak. If I were you I would either love her from a distance and remain friends hoping to get over it, OR cut your losses now. Do not count on her changing her feelings for you and it turning romantic all of a sudden. Good luck and I am sorry for your heartache.
That's what she said

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